Pain with a Purpose In case you don’t know me personally, I occasionally subject myself to pain on purpose. Every once in a while, I will show up at my local spa, ready to receive cupping along with my monthly massage. Or I will decide it’s time to get a sugar wax. Or I will get my eyebrows plucked out by my hair stylist. I do not consider myself a masochist in the least. However, it is a fact that I have spent most of my life being subjected to pain, both emotional and physical, but not necessarily at the hands of others. As a cancer survivor, I indeed have experienced my share of physical discomfort and searing pain. As a mother who has given birth twice without drugs, I can attest that pushing a baby out is one of the most painful things a woman can go through. Yet for me, I have found that emotional pain can be more subtle, or in some cases, elusive. Many people are open about their physical sufferings and ailments, and we can all relate somehow to this dilemma that is common to humanity. But I have found that when emotional pain is brought up, there is a group of people out there that will shut down completely, as if to say, “I’m not going there!” I have also discovered that emotional pain that goes unaddressed often comes back around, and will continue to do so, until it receives the attention it needs. In my experience, trauma is caused by two things: having to deal with too much emotional pain that for whatever reason, refuses to resolve itself, or from the simple neglect of the issues that are causing the emotional pain and suffering in the first place. For me, and for a lot of people, trauma develops in our minds – and bodies – when our pain and suffering are not sufficiently dealt with. And often, by then, not only do we experience mental anguish from reaching our psychological boiling point, but our emotional distress can reach into our physical being as well, causing negative responses in our bodies. There is a growing body of research suggesting that trauma is stored in our physical being, and that it is possible, through physical and psychological (even spiritual) means, to release this. When we talk about being numb to a particular affect, that is usually not a good sign. That is what trauma does to us. We experience something so much, so intensely that eventually we turn off our sensors, because we tell ourselves we can only take so much, and from this point on, the extra pain and suffering is just going to have to stand outside the waiting room. Because the waiting room is full. So, what does all of this have to do with getting cups placed on my back after a massage, or getting the hair plucked off of me? It was not until this year that I decided to increase my self-care, because the rumor is that trauma needs an outlet, and given that it stores itself in the body, it needs to be released through the body. When we are presented with pain and distress, whether voluntarily or not, it is a vivid reminder that we are flesh, and that we are still capable of experiencing pain, and that is okay. It is when we forget that it’s an acceptable human response to feel emotional pain that we also refuse to acknowledge it when it does happen to us. And we end up becoming numb to it, often pushing it down deep inside of ourselves. And for some, when this happens, that pain never goes away. I have lived my life with and beside many people who, in their blissful ignorance, refused to deal with their emotional pain, and have suffered tremendously because of it. I hope, that through something as simple as getting a tooth pulled out, or yanking a stray hair out of my chin, that I can and will remember the state of my humanity. Because no matter how frail or robust in spirit I am, pain – and trauma – is as real and universal as anything else that can be imagined. ******* A good book out there that addresses trauma and how we can cope with it is “Waking the Tiger” by Peter Levine. You can find this at Amazon.com.